my dreams are endless and in many styles. even awake i dream. I like planning our future. well of course it is our since i have my 2 lovey boys myn and dk.
ihonestly dont know what i uploaded i cant see it right now. I am totally trying to be calm. I dont want a messy night. I want a peaceful And good sleep. So i am writing now to relieve my feeling of anger. I am totally pissed off and i Am trying not to show it. I want to look like i dont care and unaffected but i am really really affected. I hate you. That would be all.
So now i made up my mind. I want to be with Dk all the time. Well i wanna be always there for him most of the time so i am choosing to be a work at home mom. I am currently hoping to find a job. I hope to see one very soon. Then The next target would be finding a new home.
Taken with Instagram
i feel lost. I feel no exact emotion. i am happy but with no definite goal. no. direction. i fell like i wanna be everything but i cant. there are too many to consider. well maybe because everything has changed now. and i have grown several emotions which i dont normally feel then.. now im too scared of death. i even day dream of what could happen in just a single second. i so much want to live but at the same time too much afraid that i cant stand up for what ive chosen.
i remember me as a very careless gal but with definite knowledge of what she want and when she’ll have it. i dont care about death. i am so used to it and i welcome it whenever i feel so gloomy. thinking of my non existance on the world i love death then. i want to be this and that. and i want it now or tomorrow maybe. i never lose plan a b or even c, i am always ready for anything. i am brave and intelligent. as bright as anyone would want to be. i never lose ideas. i always have answers. and when im wrong i still find a way to be right. i always find a way out of a mess. i do what i want and they let me be admiring all my courage and beam! at least that is what i think i am then..
but then now.. i dont know..
i know nothing, feel nothing, i dont have goals, or maybe im too impatient. and the worst is i dont see myself anytime soon. i cant picture my future anymore. then i am exact in everything i want .. and what i want is what ill get but now.. it seems im having the hardest time of my life. i cant have it all, yes i know that but my mind seems so afloat i cant even think of what ill want instead.
i wanna be back alive. but with what im feeling now im as good as dead.
mwah (Taken with Instagram)
mahal kaw dn b gusto mgmotocross like mommy? (Taken with Instagram)
the proposal (Taken with instagram)
lovey dun (Taken with instagram)